It was a night without nightmares. Taylor was awake early but there was nothing unusual about that. He worked on a school paper, answered some e-mails and even went into a chat room and talked to some other night owls. Taylor considered going down to the studio and working on his mural but didn’t feel right. The mural was his project when he was innocent and happy. The mural was full of color and energy and life. He didn’t feel that way now. His drawings now were almost all dark and sinister, drawn only in black and shades of gray.

Taylor kept slipping back into the closet. The words in the corner were triggering a memory. Zac called them ‘the psychic connection.’ He wasn’t sure he believed it but both Zac and Ike agreed that they had heard the words. It was the last two words that he couldn’t get out of his mind. "Trust Zac! There was something about those words. The answer was just beyond his reach making it that much more frustrating.

School that morning was just with Diana. It was stock market day. At least that’s what the family called it. It was the one day each week that Walker did his research and if you went in to his office he was always speaking in a very strange language of high finance. When school was over Ike went off to his bedroom to call Jenny and Zac was cornered by his mother to change the bandage on his toe. Jes and Avie were picked up by the mother of a friend for dance class.

Taylor was on his way upstairs to help Mackie build what he called a ‘super huge New York building’ when he was waylaid by his father. Taylor entered his father’s office a little nervous. It was the only room in the whole house that he didn’t really feel comfortable in. That was because Walker’s office was where lectures were suffered through and punishments were handed out. Even when he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, just being called in the office made him feel guilty. 

"What’s up Dad?"

"Your paycheck for Secret Lies," Walker said handing his son the check.

Taylor whistled. "Wow, that a lot of money!"

"That’s a lot of money," Walker repeated. "This one’s all yours, beyond what the IRS considers theirs of course."

"I may have done the work but everyone has had a part in it," Taylor said signing the check and handing it back. "Do your thing, Dad."

"Any special requests?" Walker asked.

Taylor looked surprised. "You mean like a car?"

"No," Walker retorted rolling his eyes. "I actually meant, any special requests for investments. Any ideas?"

"Nope. Do what you do best," Taylor joked. "Invest, divest, double, triple," he rattled off words that meant nothing to him but that he knew were understood perfectly by his father.

"Oh, wait a minute," Taylor exclaimed. "Dad could we do something for Mason. Not a reward. I think he’s the kind of man that would be insulted by a reward, but, I want to do something for him. Something to help him. He was trained for special rescue and because he can’t afford the time off work to get re-certified, he’s working construction. Maybe you can figure out a way to give him a grant or something to live off of while he’s in training. Maybe a little extra so he could have enough to help with a down payment on a house or something. You know his wife is expecting their third baby."

"I think that can be worked out," Walked agreed.

Taylor nodded his head satisfied that his father would know what to do.

"Oh, and another thing,"

"Tay, you can’t give your whole paycheck away," Walker warned knowing first hand how his son liked to help people. 

"I wasn’t going too," Taylor retorted. 

"What then?"

"I want you set up some kind of trust fund or something so that we can hire a ballet teacher for Jes, Avie too, if she wants it."

"Son, the girls education and training is my responsibility not yours," Walker interrupted.

"I know, but I can help," Taylor explained. "We need to hire someone to work with Jes all the time."

"She goes to ballet school now,"

"I know," Taylor interrupted. "She goes here. She goes in LA and whenever we’re on the road she has to miss out and that’s not fair to her. She needs one teacher that will stay with her all the time no matter where we are. Jessica’s dreams shouldn’t be overlooked just because we’re busy working on ours."

"She’s only eleven," Walker protested.

"Dad, I was only seven when I knew what I wanted. Apparently in ballet eleven is old," Taylor explained. "It’s like being figure skater or a gymnast. With ballet you have to start early, work really hard and be consistent. We haven’t given Jes consistency. She needs to study and practice no matter where she is."

"I take it you talked to her about this," Walker asked.

"Yeah, I did and I promised her that I’d..." Taylor’s voice trailed off and he got a stunned look on his face.

"What is it?" Walker asked concerned.

"Dad, can I go. I have to go write something down before I forget it."

"Sure," Walker agreed. "Oh, and Tay, if we hire a ballet teacher it is my financial responsibility. Not yours."

Taylor just nodded and agreed because he just wanted out fast. He ran upstairs and grabbed a pen and a notebook and he started writing as fast as he could. Zac’s words made sense to him. His promise to Jessica made sense to him. The words came through to him so clear and precise as if it were only yesterday. He remembered the night before his rescue. It was a night of words and a night of discovery and love as he had written letters to his whole family. He’d written those letters in his head and now whatever part of his brain that had archived that information was releasing it back to him. Taylor wrote all afternoon. He ignored everything and everybody around him. His total concentration was to transcribe the flow of words from his brain through the pen to the paper. It was important. It was one of the most important things he’d done in last two months.

All afternoon Taylor wrote in his notebook. At one point his Mom had asked him to join the family in the family room and he had complied in body, but his consciousness was somewhere else altogether.

Diana watched and began to worry as he first sat at the coffee table scribbling away and as he became cramped he simply moved from position to position but the flow of words never stopped.

"Is this one of those behavior changes that we were supposed to watch out for?" Walked asked joining his wife as she peeked around the corner watching their son. He was oblivious to his surroundings since Mackie and Avie were playing loudly right beside him and it didn’t seem to bother him at all. At one point, Mackie started stacking Lego’s on top of Taylor’s knees and although he looked up absently he allowed himself to be used as a prop in his siblings play.

Finally, after six hours Taylor wrote his last two words with a flourish of his pen and a satisfied smile on his face. He closed his notebook and stretched out his aching muscles. He looked around quite puzzled and noticed the clock and realized why he was so hungry.

Taylor wandered into the kitchen and put his arms around his mother for a long swaying hug. "Honeysuckle and baby powder," he mumbled as he breathed in her familiar scent. "Don’t ever change, Mom. I love you just the way you are."

Then before she could even respond, Taylor turned and hugged his father, lying his cheek against his shoulder. "I love you Dad, hum, no peppermint." Then he turned grabbed a bag of chips and went bounding up the back stairs, leaving his parents staring after him.

* * * *

"Ike can you help your Dad with the school work this morning?" Diana asked at the breakfast table.

"Sure," Ike responded and he looked over to his brother for a response but Taylor seemed to be concentrating on his breakfast. Ike expected a protest or argument from Taylor but instead he just kept looking at his food like it was the first time he’d ever noticed it. 

Today was Taylor’s appointment with the psychiatrist. He’d had another nightmare the night before. Ike had heard Zac and Taylor talking into the early hours. This morning when he’d went in to wake up Zac, Tay was missing and he’d found him sitting in the privacy of the walk-in closet drawing a picture. It had freaked him out a little to see the chart on the wall, but when he mentioned it Taylor had just smiled and said it was his path back to sanity.

When it was time to leave for this appointment Diana tossed the keys to her son.

"You’re gonna trust a crazy person to drive?" Taylor exclaimed.

"Don’t start," Diana warned fearing another argument or his outright refusal to go.

"Sorry," Taylor mumbled and he ducked his head and took the drivers seat. He wasn’t looking forward to this appointment but it didn’t even occur to him to try to fight it out again. He’d already lost that argument.

Taylor drove carefully to the downtown medical complex and he and his mother followed the complicated instructions to find the suite.

It was a very plush office, the decor done in pink and cream.

"Is Dr. Kennedy a woman?" Taylor asked in a whisper just because the office seemed to be the kind of place that you were supposed to be quiet.

Diana nodded. "She is supposed to be the best in Tulsa."

"Let’s hope she’s not a gossip," Taylor grumbled.

When Taylor was led into the doctors office it was not done in pinks but in more masculine shades of green, with lots of bookcases and pictures drawn by children framed and hung on the walls. Taylor was expecting an older person but when Dr. Lynn Kennedy entered the office he was stunned.

Dr. Kennedy held out her hand and Taylor just looked at her in awe. She was a tall as he, and had hair as blond as his and her eyes were exactly the same shade of blue as his own. They even had the same hair style.

Dr. Kennedy laughed. "I feel like I’m looking at my brother."

"If my sisters turn out to look like you, I’m locking them up right now," Taylor warned. "Are you related to any Hansons?"

"Not that I know of, but I think I’ll call my mother and ask," Dr. Kennedy said as surprised herself at their close resemblance to each other. "Have a seat."

Taylor looked around. "What, No shrink couch?"

"Not unless you want to go to another office," she replied calmly. "Taylor, I can understand your reluctant to be here. It’s always difficult to talk about our problems, but sometimes it’s actually easier to talk to someone you don’t know."

"Why is that?"

"Because people we know, family, friends, they all have preconceived ideas of how we should feel and behave and act. If you veer from what they consider normal behavior they feel threatened."

"They freak,"

"They freak," Dr. Kennedy repeated. 

"How much do you know?" Taylor demanded.

"I know about the kidnapping. I know about the nightmares."

"No one knows about the nightmares. Not even me," Taylor denied. "Because I can’t remember them. How do I know you won’t go blabbing to the papers."

"I’m bound by a code of ethics," Dr. Kennedy explained. "We have doctor/patient confidentiality. Unless you become a threat to yourself or to anyone else there would be no reason for me to tell anyone, anything. You aren’t a threat to yourself are you? Have you had thoughts about killing yourself?"

"Never!" Taylor denied. "Not even when thought I would never get out. I just did a movie about suicide. They gave us pamphlets to read. Personally, I think it’s kind of cowardly not to face your problems. I could never hurt my family that way."

Dr. Kennedy smiled. "That’s one of the best reasons I’ve ever heard. You’re close to your family?"

"Yeah, we’re a tight bunch. That’s the only reason I agreed to come here. I still think I will remember on my own. I’m already remembering some parts."

"That’s good," Dr. Kennedy agreed.

"Yeah, and I did it on my own. I didn’t need help!"

"Taylor, you seem to be under the impression that I can fix what ever is causing you to block your memories and scaring you into your nightmares," Dr. Kennedy said.

"Well, can’t you?"

"No," Dr. Kennedy replied. "I can only help you, help yourself. You have the answers. You have the cure. It’s all locked up in your mind. I’m only here to help you understand your fears and to help you unlock those memories. I will also help you learn to deal with them once you remember."

"Then, I don’t need you," Taylor said. "I talked to a friend of mine, and we figured out that if I write everything down or draw pictures of what I get flashes of, pretty soon I’ll be able to piece together everything what happened."

"You have a very smart friend," Dr. Kennedy said. "But, what will you do when you have all the pieces fitted together?"

"Deal with it," Taylor exclaimed. "Put it behind me, so I can start acting normal again and get on with my life."

Dr. Kennedy opened up her desk drawer and pulled out several yellow packages of M&M’s. She tossed one over to him. "Taylor, you just condensed sixteen yeas of medical school into one sentence. You’re on the right track. I want you keep drawing your pictures and keep writing down your bits and pieces. I also want you to share them with me when you’re ready."

"That’s it?"

Dr. Kennedy nodded and tapped her finger to his forehead. "You have the answers in here. I’ll help you deal with the building blocks to get there. Will I see you next week?"

Taylor looked surprised at the question. He didn’t think it was his choice. "Yeah, I guess, same time, same place?"

"You’ve got a date," Dr. Kennedy promised.

Taylor shuttered. "No offense intended, but that would be like dating my sister!"

Dr. Kennedy laughed. "I’ll work on this strange resemblance. We do look alike."

"Come meet my Mom, she’s not going to believe this," Taylor exclaimed.

Diana was surprised at Taylor’s and Dr. Kennedy’s similar appearance. Except for the age difference they could have been siblings.

Taylor took the drivers seat and he seemed to be a good mood after his session with the doctor. Diana really wanted to ask questions but she didn’t. Whatever transpired between doctor and patient was private and she had to respect that privacy. It was hard to watch her son struggling with his demons when all she wanted to do was hold and protect him.

"Mom!"

"What, sweety?"

Taylor gave out a loud sigh. His mother was giving him that ‘my sweet baby’ look and she had zoned out for a minute when he was talking to her and she hadn’t heard a word he’d said.

"I was saying," Taylor repeated. "When do you think Dad will let me get my license?"

"Ask him," Diana said patting him on the shoulder still somewhat zoned out in her own thoughts. "Honey, pull over to that fruit stand. The Fraziers always have the best fruit."

Taylor pulled the van over and followed his mother into the gray, weathered, wooden structure.

The woman behind the counter recognized him immediately.

"Long time, no see," the woman exclaimed.

"We’ve been in California," Taylor explained. "Is Marcus around?"

"Marcus is in kindergarten," Mrs. Frazier said. "He won’t be home until after two."

"Oh, well tell him, Taylor asked about him will you."

"Of course, I will. We got him your Christmas CD. He still plays it even through it’s not Christmas. He’s also a very good bike rider. Two wheels only, now."

"He said he could ride with only two wheels," Taylor said with a wink. "Marcus and my little brother are the same age and Mackie still has his training wheels on."

Diana called him at that moment and Taylor had to offer her his arms for the overflow of fruits and vegetables she wanted to buy.

Mrs Frazier weighted and bagged them and Taylor carried them to the car.

While his mother paid for her purchases Taylor took another load to the car and then came back to get the last bag from her.

Diana was mentally counting up her purchases. She has just turned to speak to her son when a small black man carrying a huge watermelon approached them.

"For your family," he said gruffly and he thrust the watermelon into Taylor arms and turned and left. Taylor was juggling a bag and the watermelon.

"What?" Diana looked to the retreating mans back and to her son who was playing a balancing game.

"Mom!" Taylor exclaimed, "Open the door!"

Diana opened the van door and Taylor dumped the watermelon and the bag inside.

"Honey, I’m sure, that woman made a mistake. She must have overlooked something. She didn’t charge me nearly enough for the vegetables. Did you pay for the watermelon?"

"Not exactly," Taylor mumbled. 

At his mothers worried look he guided her to the passenger door. "It’s okay Mom. It’s just their way of paying back a favor."

Diana looked at him puzzled and when he grinned she just accepted it.

* * * *

Taylor’s behavior over the next several weeks puzzled everyone. Sometimes he’s be perfectly normal interacting and teasing his siblings. Then sometimes he would get remote and close himself off into his own world and no one could penetrate it. If they tried he just ignored them.

Zac called those times his "Gloom Hours".

Taylor filled notebook after notebook with pages of his writing. He was never without his notebooks and his sketch pads. When the pile grew cumbersome he dumped them into an old book bag that he dragged around by its broken strap wherever he went. No one was allowed to see his writings. No one was allowed to see his drawings. He spent hours locked up in his closet but he would always come out in a better mood.

The family was worried and Diana spoke privately with Dr. Kennedy. She was assured that Taylor was working his way through his problems. The nightmares lessened. Sometimes he would go days without any sign of them, but then out of blue he would have a panic attack over seemingly nothing.

Taylor went to his psychiatric sessions without complaint. Sometimes he called Dr. Kennedy just to talk to her but he always made sure his conversations couldn’t be overhead. 

Another new development was Taylor’s relationship with Samantha. For all the nasty remarks he’d said about her for years, suddenly she was his best friend. She was the only person that he would show his drawings. They would sit together for hours, their heads together discussing whatever was in his papers and then he would pack up his papers back into his bag and out of sight.

It made Zac jealous and angry. He didn’t understand why his brother didn’t turn to him or Ike. He was the one that still slept in Tay’s room to ward off his night demons. But, it was Samantha that Taylor confided in. 

The only time that there was any chance to break into Taylor’s self-imposed isolation was early in the morning. Zac and Ike would often join him early in the morning either outside on the roof or in the closet. He wouldn’t let them in on his project but he didn’t shut them out from normal day-to-day talk. If they didn’t catch him early he raised his invisible shield and he wouldn’t let anyone penetrate it. He wasn’t rude, he wasn’t mean, he simply shut down. His total concentration was on working on what he called ‘his project’.

Zac finally confronted his brother in his own direct way. He snatched the bookbag and he demanded to know why he couldn’t see what was in it.

Taylor took the bag from him forcibly and he tried to explain.

"I can’t let you see this,"

"Why? You let Sam see it?" Zac yelled.

"That’s, because what’s in here can’t hurt Sam," Taylor explained. "It can hurt you and I’ve hurt you enough."

"I don’t get it. Why her and not me? I’m your brother!"

"That’s exactly why," Taylor tried to explain and remain calm. "Sam doesn’t love me so she can be objective. Zac, you’re my brother, and I know you think I’m being selfish, but I don’t mean to be. I won’t let you see what’s in these drawings. I’ll share anything else with you, Zac, but not my pain. Don’t ask me to share my pain."

Taylor walked off and Zac stood exactly where he left him sobbing.

After that Zac backed off but he couldn’t help resenting Samantha. He glared at her when she was around and left the room when she entered it. 

Three weeks after his therapy started Taylor woke up with sudden sense of awareness Sometime during the night a weight had lifted from him. He had total clarity. He lay in his bed and he searched his mind for missing pieces but there were no blanks. The puzzle was complete and it was time to move forward.

He’d discussed this with Dr. Kennedy and she’d told him that only he could decide when he was ready to put his past to rest. It was time to bury his demons and deal with his terrors. He wasn’t afraid. After all these months, the fear was finally stripped away. All that was left was a need to put to put it to rest. Four lousy days and nights had cost him and his family so much.

Taylor made his phone call before he even jointed his family for breakfast. He ruffled Ike’s hair as he sat down for breakfast always amazed at how curly Ike’s hair was becoming now that the weight and length was gone.

"Dad, I’m going to need to borrow the van this evening," he said as he gave Zoe and loud smacking kiss on her forehead.

"Really?" Walker questioned. Although his son had had his license for a week now he still required him to have another driver with him at all times.

"It’s okay, Dr. Kennedy will be with me. She’d take me in her car but it went into the shop for transmission problems."

"Oh, well I suppose it’s okay then," Walker agreed.

"Ike, can you take me over to Sam’s after school this afternoon. I need to talk to her."

"Yeah, I guess," Ike agreed. "Tay are you okay?"

"Ike, I’m better than I’ve been in months. Today is the The Day."

"The Day?" Jessica questioned.

"You’ll understand more later," Taylor promised. "Today is a new beginning."

Diana and Walker exchanged glances.

Zac watched his parents non-verbal eye communication which he was getting pretty good at interpreting and he realized that they weren’t worried so he decided he wouldn’t either. It was just Tay, being weirder than normal weird.

After morning school was over Taylor followed his mother into the kitchen. He pulled a chair out from the table and handed her a pair of scissors. "Cut my hair, Mom."
Diana looked startled. "Honey, I can’t do that!"

"Sure you can. Don’t cut it real short, but I need a new beginning. I feel like a new person and I want a new look." Taylor took the scissors from his mother and pulled up his braid. "It starts here," and with that he snipped off the long single braid that he’d started growing when he was six.

Diana took the braid and slipped it into her pocket. She would tuck it away in her book of memories for her second child. Her son handed her the scissors again.

"Are you sure?" she asked again.

"Surprise me!" Taylor said shutting his eyes and putting himself in the fate of another hands. That was something he hadn’t trusted himself to do in a long time.

An hour later Diana stood behind her son as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

"It’s not very short, or that much different either,"

"I was afraid to change it to radically, besides I like it long," Diana sniffed.

"It’s perfect Mom. Just enough to say I’ve changed and just long enough to say I’m still the same in many ways."

The family had gotten used to sudden mode swings, but Taylor was beginning to worry them. Diana made a secret call to Dr. Kennedy to reassure herself that her son was okay. When he went to leave he carried his book bag out and threw it in the back seat.

"Honey, please be careful," Diana called out.

"Mom, I’m legal," Taylor shouted as he drove out of the driveway.

Zac, as Taylor’s chosen embassary waited exactly one hour, per his instructions. Then he called everyone together at the kitchen table and he handed a package to his father.

* * * *

Taylor was only eight miles outside of Tulsa. He’d parked the van, grabbed his bag. He and Dr. Kennedy were hiking to one of his favorite spots. For some strange reason, he and Dr. Kennedy were dressed almost alike. Another coincidence that they laughed about. Since they had become friends and talked about more than just his fears in their sessions they had discovered almost identical like and dislikes. Taylor wasn’t surprised that Dr. Kennedy like to hike. He wasn’t surprised that she was dressed in almost identical jeans and flannel shirt and they both had the same brand hiking boots. Being so much alike helped them form a very close doctor/patient bond in a remarkably short time. He trusted her completely.

Taylor led the way to his final destination. There was a crook in the River where you could see the rolling hills and green lush forestry and in the distance; Tulsa City stood with its three prominently tall buildings jutting upward to the sky. Like a rising phoenix.

"This is a beautiful spot," Dr. Kennedy said.

"It’s like Tulsa just rises out of wilderness," Taylor agreed.

"And you picked this spot because?" Dr. Kennedy prompted.

"Because I’m rising out of my own tortured mind and the hold that it’s had on me. It’s a new beginning. I know that I’ll never forget again but I also won’t let my own mind frighten me way from accepting what happened. Most of my terror was not based on reality. Most of my terror was based on my imagination."

"And, are you ready to take me through that journey with you?" Dr. Kennedy asked.

Taylor grinned. "That’s why you’re here. As my doctor, as my friend. I can show you what I can’t show my family. Now I’m going to start a fire and we’re going to burn all this awful stuff."

* * * *

Walker opened the packet tentatively and pulled out another envelope and a piece of paper with a note in Taylor’s large loopy handing writing. He started to read it silently and then he went back to the beginning and started to read it out loud.

"First of all, Dad, Mom, family, don’t be frightened. I know I’ve been really weird lately but I’m not going to hurt myself or anyone else around me. Or, as Dr. Kennedy says I’m not an endangerment to myself or others. I’m with Dr. Kennedy now, putting my demons to rest. I wish I could get rid of them forever, but they will always be with me. I have to learn to live with them and how put them on a back shelf of my mind. That’s what I’ve been working so hard to accomplish. 

I know you’ve gotten upset with me lately, especially Zac and Ike for not confiding in you. Forgive me, but I had to do that for you. The hatred and ugliness was too awful to share. I didn’t want to expose you to the filth of my mind. I’d like you maintain some allusion of decency for me. The worst part of this whole mess is not knowing. My FBI folder has two red stamps on it. One is Case Closed the other is Victim Recovered. That doesn’t explain anything. No one knows WHY? Why me? Not for a second that I would have wanted to be anyone else, please don’t think that. It’s just very hard to understand why this would happen and there are no answers. The only two people that could tell me anything are gone. Why me? Why did they do this? Was it for money? For revenge? For drugs? For hatred? No one has the answers. And, the worst part is knowing that I will NEVER know. No one can answer these questions. Another thing, two people are dead. Two people I didn’t know but who will forever be linked to me are dead and no one seems to care. Maybe they were rotten people, maybe they were good people that just turned in the wrong direction. I don’t know, but their lives must have been worth something to someone. No one seems to care, and it bothers me because I feel responsible. I know I’m not, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

This venture into my own mind has been scary to say the least. I’ve found out things about myself that I don’t like very much. I have to work on those parts of me to become a better person. I’m not saying, I’m suddenly going to become an angel. I doubt I could be that good for that long. If God had wanted me, he had his chance. I kind of figure he threw me back either because he didn’t think I was good enough or he didn’t want to be bothered by a screwed up kid.

I made my peace with God on one of those nights. It was the last one before Ike and Zac found me. I guess I gave up hope that night. I know you raised me to try to be a brave person, but I wasn’t brave and I did give up that night. I didn’t think I would make it.

I don’t think you gave up though, when I say you, I mean the whole family. You showed me what brave was, because I felt your spirit and your love. All night, I talked to you, wrote letters to you and really learned how much I love everyone of you individually and together.

You can read these letters in private or together. I leave that up to you. If the sequences feel weird you need to remember that I wrote these on my fourth night. These are word for word exactly what I thought that night. At first I was going to edit them and then I changed my mind and this is what you get. Letters from a deranged son and brother. (That’s a joke)

We can talk about them later if you want. I can handle it now. I feel like I can handle everything now. I’m stronger and I know your love and strength is always there to help me. 

P.S. Zac you are a little psychic. You’ll understand later, but don’t let it go to your head."

Walker looked around the table and he held up the envelope. "Do you want to read them personally or out loud?"

"Out loud," Zac voted and there was a nod of heads around the table. Mackie climbed up in his Dad’s lap. He didn’t understand everything that was going on but he could feel his family’s sadness.

Walker opened the second envelop and it contained eight envelopes and a piece of paper.

"If you chose to read the letters out loud, read them by the numbers. Otherwise they won’t make sense."

Walker split the envelope with Dad and the number 1 on it and he began to read out loud.

"Dear Dad..."

* * * *

Sitting behind the riverbank Taylor and Dr. Kennedy stopped going over his papers long enough to watch the sun go down behind Tulsa. Taylor lit the fire he’s set up and they went back to work. And, work it was explain the strangeness of his own inner-mind.

He held up a picture of huge nasty looking rats gnawing on a bleeding human leg. "This is what I imagined was happened." 

Then he held up a picture of small harmless looking mice crawling over a human leg. "This is more of what it must have been in reality. This was Sam’s idea. Draw what was scaring me and then draw reality. It makes it a lot less scary."

"I would like to meet your friend Sam," Dr. Kennedy suggested. "I think I’m going to have to refund part of your parents fee because this friend of yours has helped you as much as I have."

"Sam would love that," Taylor said grinning. "She likes to think she’s smarter than everyone and actually she probably is."

"Taylor, I know this is important, but have you considered how we are going to get back out after dark?" Dr. Kennedy asked a little concerned as the darkness began to settling around them.

"Yeah, I’ve got flashlight in the back pack," Taylor admitted. "Are you afraid of the dark?"

"Not in the least," Dr. Kennedy denied.

"Me, either anymore," Taylor said and the woman chuckled.

"I’m going to break my confidentiality oath," Dr. Kennedy teased. "I’m going to tell your parents about your awful English skills."

Taylor laughed. "Oh, I can write it. I just can’t speak it."

"Back to work!" the doctor ordered.

* * * *

When Walker finished reading his letter, he continued on with Diana’s. The next letter was addressed to Zac and Ike looked up with surprised look on his face for being skipped.

Walker thumbed through the addressed and numbered envelopes and Ike’s was the last.

"Do you want me to read it out of sequence?" he asked.

Ike shook his head. "No. It’s Tays’ order. He must have his reasons."

Walker opened Zac’s letter and offered it to him but Zac shook his head so he began to read out loud.

* * * *

Taylor and Dr. Kennedy went through his drawings one by one. Large drips were a predominant theme to many of his drawings. 

"I hated that drip. I thought it was going to drive me crazy," Taylor exclaimed. "That was the only sound, and I couldn’t get away from it."

"Chinese water torture," Dr. Kennedy commented. "What changed?"

"It became the target of my anger. On the third day I knew I had to get to the water," Taylor explained bluntly. "If I didn’t get to the water, I was going to die. So, I pounded my shoulder against the pipes over and over trying to break them. Mason told me later that they were old galvanized iron pipes. I finally knocked one of them loose and I was able to get to the drip. I didn’t hate it quite so much then, but it was difficult to get to it. I had to scrunch down really low. Then I must have moved wrong and broke my tooth. Now that was fun, I can tell you. On top of everything else, every time I breathed it was excruciating. I think a nerve or something must have been exposed. I couldn’t see the drip coming so sometimes it would hit my tooth and send me through the roof. It wasn’t just my tooth, when air or water would hit the nerve, everything in my whole body hurt. But, the funny part of it was that even though I was in pain, at least I knew I was alive."

Dr. Kennedy listened intently. Some of this she had heard before during their talks. Some of it was new and as painful for her to hear as it was for him to recall. She knew that for Taylor, that writing down his experiences was cleansing. Being able to talk about them was his way of putting his memories to rest.

It was almost eleven when suddenly they were interrupted by two uniformed park rangers carrying very large flashlights and looking very stern.

* * * *

Walker read the last of Zoe’s letter although she was much too young to understand. Diana was crying, so was Jessica. He pulled out the last letter and Ike nodded to him.

* * * *

Taylor and Dr. Kennedy spent another hour by the river bank. Dr. Kennedy had persuaded the park rangers to allow them to continue and had assured them that they would extinguish the fire and be able to find their way back to their vehicle. When she had explained the circumstances they had agreed reluctantly. Dr. Kennedy persuaded her young patient not to burn his book bag full of papers. She asked for them to use in a paper she would write and present for publication. She promised him there would be no connection to him personally or to his family. When Taylor finally poured water on the fire he was at peace with himself. Actually he’d been at peace with himself all day, but spending the evening with Dr. Kennedy had put the majority of his demons to rest. He knew he could handle himself now.

He and Dr. Kennedy walked back through the wood careful not to trip. The fact that he could handle the darkness and unknown sounds and shapes was a testament that he’d come to terms with abduction.

* * * *

When Taylor entered his house it was well after midnight and way past both his and the Tulsa City curfew. He was a little anxious that he might be caught breaking curfew on this first trip out on this own, but luckily he didn’t run into any police. He was surprised to find all the lights still on at his house.

Diana wrapped her arms around his neck and rocked him and cried.

"Mom, I’m okay, honest," he protested.

Walker entered the kitchen and he hugged his son.

Taylor walked into total mayhem in the family room. Everyone was talking and trying to hug him at the same time.

"I told you I was psychic," Zac crowed.

Taylor hugged his brother to him. "Zac, I’m so sorry. I’ve put you through so much. How did you put up with me?"

Zac just grinned. "Somebody’s got to do it bro, although usually we’re issued a white coat and a butterfly net."

Taylor laughed, "Where’s Ike?"

"He went down to the studio. I think you inspired a song," Zac said smugly.

Taylor opened the door of the studio to the soft strumming of Ike’s guitar.

"I can’t reach you in the distance," Ike sang softly.

"Pretty," Taylor commented.

Ike put down his guitar down and hugged his brother. "Are you okay?"

Taylor shrugged. "I can’t make any promises but I think I’ve got it licked. I feel calm, settled for the first time in a long time. Does that make sense?"

"It doesn’t have to make sense to me," Ike said. "I just want the old Tay back."

"The old Tay will never be back," Taylor warned. "But, hopefully, I’ll be the new improved version. Mom and Dad might even get a money back guarantee if I crack up and go loony again."

Ike looked at him long and hard and he nodded. He could see the light back in his brother eyes. It was almost an inner glow that was the spark to his soul. It hadn’t been there for a long time. Now it was back.

Ike handed him the written music sheet and Taylor sat down at the piano. Zac came down the stairs and sat down at the drums and Jessica and Avery came down and sat on the bottom step. Mackie and Zoe were already asleep.

No one played a single note and then Zac cracked up in laugher. Ike and Taylor also broke into laughter. 

"We’re all here and willing and have nothing to play," Zac giggled.

"Thanks guys," Taylor said and then tacked on "girls, too. Thanks for putting up with me until I could get this stuff straightened out. And forgive me for mistreating you lately."

Avie came over and climbed up in his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. "We love you," she said simply.

Taylor looked around at his sibling and at the studio. "You know what I want to do?"

Everyone looked at him waiting.

"I want to rock and roll. Do you guys feel like painting?"

Diana and Walker were waiting for their children to return upstairs and when they didn’t they went to investigate. As soon as they opened the studio doe they were bombarded with loud rock music and giggles and laughter. Taylor and Ike were drawing pictures and Zac and Jessica were each working on painting figures. Avery was stamping colorful music notes on the lower half of the wall and Taylor looked like she had practiced on him, since he had musical noted stamped on his pants in various colors. Taylor broke from his task to dance with his sister causing her to collapse in laughter because he was simply a very bad dancer.

"Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad," Taylor called out. "We decided that we need to finish the mural."

"Dad, why don’t you fix us some of your famous popcorn? Zac asked.

"I can do that," Walker said smiling and he called back over his shoulder. "Butter or no butter?" to a resounding answer of "Butter!"

"Tay, it’s almost one in the morning, honey," Diana said.

"Tomorrow’s Saturday, we can sleep late," Taylor said unconcerned. Then he leaned over and kissed his mother on the cheek and whispered to her. "It’s a good way to break the tension and besides I need to get this punishment chore over before the next one starts."

Diana instantly looked worried. "What have you done?"

"Not me, we," Taylor whispered back. "Dr. Kennedy and I both got cited for having an open fire in a state park without a permit."

"That’s not so bad," Diana said.

"$1,000 fine a piece," Taylor confided. "But they took Dr. Kennedy’s license number since she was the adult present. So, it will be in the paper under her name."

"Oh, your Dad’s not going to be to happy about this,"

"That’s why we’re not going to tell him, at least until tomorrow," Taylor whispered. "Please?"

Diana nodded in agreement. "I’ll go get some Pop. You don’t worry about this at all, I’ll talk to your Dad."

"Mom, have I told you lately how cool you are?" Taylor asked.

Diana wrapped her arms around her son again. "As a matter of fact you told all of us and it’s something that we will never forget. Welcome back honey."

Taylor’s smile lit up the room and he did a little jig as he rejoined his siblings. It was going to be one of those rare nights when time and convention didn’t matter. All that mattered was the closeness of the family and having fun.

Taylor shut his eyes for a moment and let the familiar sounds of his family’s giggles and laughter fill the spaces in his mind that he’d emptied earlier. Yes, these were the memories he never wanted to forget.
 
 

The End.
 
 

Dear Dr. Kennedy: 

I just got your e-mail. Congratulations on the acceptance of the paper. I’m back in the closet again. This time it’s not because of mental breakdown though. I shoved my computer in here because we’re knocking down the wall between Zac’s and Mackie’s room and mine and the dust is everywhere. Zac’s going to be my roommate again, and Avie is going to move in with Mackie and Jessica gets her own room. I think I’m going to be stuck with Zac for a while. He’s never comfortable sleeping unless I’m in the same room. Construction’s going on here and at home, although this is home while we are here. That doesn’t make any sense does it? Tulsa is real home, but, having two homes almost identical makes sense to us. It might seem strange to some but then they probably don’t have to split themselves between two states.

Long term effects of the kidnapping are that my family has been affected as much as I. I sleep great now, or at least as much as I did before. I always was an early bird. Now, Zac is up several times a night just checking on everyone. He’s always been the kid who worried about everything, he just hides it well. Mom’s thinking about sending him to counseling. I don’t want to be there when she lays that one on him. (Bikini Knoll revisited!) I feel really bad that I did that to him. Everyone says it’s not my fault, including Zac, but I still feel bad.

Ike’s joined the grown-ups. He’s really much more adult acting now. He’s taking college courses now. He had a choice between going to a campus full time or taking correspondence courses and he picked correspondence. Dad’s working out a deal with ORU for an on-line study program but it will take a year or so to get it up and running. (I guess that mean’s I’ll be going too.) Ike’s still going with Jenny and still dating other girls. He says they’re not ‘exclusive’ by choice. But every time either one of them goes out with someone else, they have a huge fight. I think they’re ‘exclusively’ nuts.

Jessica isn’t so shy all of a sudden. She’s speaking up and she’s becoming a terrific dancer. I’m probably prejudiced because she’s my sister, but I think she’s great and I don’t even like ballet. She’s says by the time she gets to be prima-ballerina she will have taught me everything it need to know to appreciate it. I doubt that, but I enjoy watching her.

Avie’s still sweet. Mackie’s still the Human Terror and Zoe is still the most precious baby in the world although now that she’s walking keeping track of her is a pain.

I’m dating. It’s hard to find someone that isn’t affected by the fame thing, but I keep trying. I was dating, past tense. I just lost my driving privileges because I got a speeding ticket. Dad was NOT cool about it. He said I was grounded for life. Mom’s still working on him so I should out for good behavior in a couple of weeks.

The buzz on the movie is good. The critics that have seen it actually liked it and my performance, everyone else’s too, of course. I thought I was going to have to go back into therapy permanently when I had to sit and watch myself on the twenty-foot screen for almost two hours. I thought Ike and Zac would tease me forever but they were pretty cool about it. I think the ‘folks’ told them to lay off. 

We have a date on the next album now. It won’t be out until spring of 2000. That’s not all our fault. This new company needs to get their act together. Every time they came to us with some cockamamie idea of trying to make us record ‘their way’ we just went back in the studio and recorded something a little more funkier or with a harder edge to it. They got the idea finally. We sink or swim on our own talent not gimmicks. 

We’re not match mates anymore. I’ve regained the nine lost pounds, but I’ve spread it out over another four inches. Now, finally, I’m taller than Ike. He hates it. Dad says to enjoy it while I can because Zac is going to be bigger than both of us. Puny Zac is growing and he’s not stopping! His hands and feet are bigger than mine and he’s grown really wide and it’s not from fat. He’s massive! As soon as he spreads Up to match Out, Ike and I figure we are in a lot of trouble because of all the things we’ve done to him because he was smaller. 

Zac and Ike are going to co-produce our next video. Zac came up with this really terrific idea and we think he should get credit for it. Ike was already planning on producing our next video. Now they’ll share it. Me, I’m just going to be in it. I’ll let them order me around for a while. We’ll be heading home in another couple of weeks for Christmas. Then we start promotion on the new album and start touring. Dad’s also working on the negotiations for another movie for me. I didn’t think I’d want to do another one, but once I got some time (and therapy) and distance away from the experience I realized that I really like it. If they can work out the schedules I think I’ll try it again.

"Taylor! Hey Tay," Walker voice was a shout from the bottom of the stairs.

Taylor poked his head out of the closet. "Yeah Dad,"

"Mason, just called. His wife just had a baby girl. They named her Taylor Marie."

"Cool, will they let us in the hospital to see her?"

There was a quick mumbled discussion between Walker and Diana and Walker yelled back up the stairs. "We’ll take you over tonight. How’s the paper coming?"

"It’s coming," Taylor grumbled.

Sorry, Dr. Kennedy, I got interrupted and I have to go anyway. A friend of ours just had a baby. Did I ever tell you I really like babies and this one is named after me that that gives me a vested interest. It’s very cool. I’ll write again, but right now I have to go. I just wanted to thank you again for your help and your friendship. 

Sincerely, your clone, Taylor Hanson.
 
 

P.S. If you know of any papers written on the "Responsibilities of Driving" could you send them to me. It has to be over three thousand words and conjunctions don’t count. Thanks!